Momento Mori

 This post was born out of a comment I was originally going to make on @cool_catholic 's reel regarding the purpose and meaning of the Mass.  Using the funeral example, sadly I think we see the most secular incursions on the Holy Mass happening at funerals.  There's not enough emphasis put on the fact that at a funeral Mass we are praying for the repose of the departed's soul.  We're not "celebrating life," and we don't "know X is among the angels."  Consciously of subconsciously there is a tendency to make the funerals about and for the grieving, not the deceased.

I blame most of this on bad catechesis and a poor grasping of theology by the laity, and its not their fault.  But there's also little Christian charity exercised by those who do know and understand with those who don't.  I'll admit, I'm guilty of it too, but I strive to be better.

I recall a story of a priest who, having the option of purple or white for funeral Masses usually wore purple.  When his mother died, he wore white.  When asked about this he stated to the effect that he knew she was in heaven.  This is incorrect, we have no certainty of this.  Black, which is still optional, was the normative liturgical color for funerals.  It invoked sentiments of suffering and sadness, which are appropriate.  

When I planned my father's funeral a few years back I did my best, in my own grief, to chose readings and hymns that would evoke a proper sentiment in those who were there to pray for my father's soul.  Many of my family are lapsed and have fallen away, but I hoped to stir something in them to acknowledge their own mortality.

I had the privilege of attending a traditional requiem funeral last year and it was incredibly stirring.  The prayers are incredibly richer and full of meaning.  We must continue to pray for our beloved departed and have Masses said for them.  I also highly encourage the Office of the Dead said at the recommended intervals after the death of the departed.  

(The above was the original base post and what follows was the message continued in the comments.  All part of the reason why I started this blog.)

One of these pictures is of a Requiem Mass offered for the late Pope Benedict XVI.  Countless requiems were given for him after his passing by both traditional and mainstream Catholic communities across the globe.

Now surely, a man as pious as Pope Benedict we would believe is deserving of being in the Father's presence, but as stated, we cannot be sure.  We just continue to pray for his soul and the souls of all the departed in hopes that they get to heaven.  If they're in purgatory we pray the time of their purification be swift (Pray St. Gertrude's Prayer) and that they be joined to the Father in heaven.

Regarding being charitabl to others when their loved ones die...

Avoid saying things like:

• They're with the angels now
• They're in a better place
• At least they're not suffering anymore
• They're with Jesus now

Instead:

• Say, "I'll pray for their soul"
• Actually pray for their souls
• Have Masses said
• Pray indulgenced prayers

I wouldn't recommend correcting them in the wake of their grief as it could inflame things, but if they ask questions or wonder why you say or don't say certain things, be honest but kind.